Fear

Every so often, it happens. Grace descends. Insight comes. Clarity pays a visit, and in a second we begin to make sense of all of this - our Life. The bigger picture reveals itself; one that extends beyond the limited world of me and mine. The blinders fall to the side. The lights go on. “Eureka!” we cry in relief. And then, as soon as it comes, it vanishes.

These moments of realization are bittersweet. Sweet because we are standing in the doorway of opportunity. Bitter because, so often, what we see is unpleasant: those qualities, tendencies, situations and relationships by which and in which we are sabotaging our self and others. It is far from pretty. Rather, it's downright u-g-l-y.
And lately this ugliness is everywhere I turn. The veil I hold over my eyes, the one that obscures and distorts my perception, has been lifting sporadically. In brief bouts of sobering clarity, I come face to face with a long time closet companion: Fear. Everywhere I turn, there it is. It's not that it has been hiding. It's simply that I never noticed so clearly until now how strongly it directs my life and plays into my decision making, relationships, and into my sense of self and worth.